Empty
by SinisterBug
Summary: Zoro is dealing with the mental repercussions of repressed memory from a traumatic incident. The exposure of his secret forces the swordsman and Sanji to reevaluate their relationship. DARK, mentions of NON-CON. Don't read if you're not comfortable!
1. Chapter 1

This is another oldie. **Warnings:** Mentions of non-con and unhappy subjects. Very dark. Don't read if you're not comfortable.

* * *

Zoro's 7 year old body thrummed with pain it wasn't sure it could tolerate any longer. Zoro was used to pain, physical stress, and even physical _distress_, but never had he experienced something so... hurtful. It hurt his mind, it hurt his soul, and somewhere, distantly he knew, it was damaging his body pretty bad as well.

The older boy moving above him was indifferent. Zoro saw with a vague (everything was vague because, he realized, he was trying to pretend it wasn't happening) sense of disgust that the boy had a look of bliss on his face. He was enjoying every minute of it while Zoro's body screamed at him to make it stop.

Zoro had tried to fight. They had hidden his swords, cornered him in the forest, and held him down while they took turns.

_Why?_

_What did I do wrong?_

_I'm... weak._

The boy on top of him tensed suddenly, and let out a sickeningly satisfied moan. Zoro knew he was on the verge of passing out. So much blood. He didn't understand how they allowed themselves to get so dirty just for this. They were covered in blood too.

Suddenly the boy who had started it all, the one who had just finished with him, grabbed his throat.

"Tell _ANYONE_, and sensei will _never_ let you come back to the dojo. He won't want some nasty little creep like you near his daughter. He'll hate you. Everyone will hate you. And then I'll kill you. Keep your dirty little trap shut, slut."

Zoro didn't remember anything after that. He passed out, like he thought he would, and thought for certain he was going to die in the wretched place.

He woke up in a dark shed. He tried to sit up and promptly vomitted on the floor next to him. He was still in the clothes he had been wearing, and the blood had dried and caked all over his lower body. He reeked of himself, blood, and _them_.

He forced himself to get up and get out of that place. When he finally shoved the door open, he was greeted with the site of rice fields being rained on. He began to recognize where he was, and started heading in the direction of the dojo. The rain washed away some of the blood and smell, but he knew he'd have to find a way to clean himself up before anyone saw him. He had no idea what time it was.

Some of the raindrops that were sliding down his face, he realized, were warm.

_I must be... crying._

_Like a baby._

_I'll never beat her._

He heard a clattering noise of something being dropped in front of him. He looked up and saw his sensei, who had just dropped his umbrella, standing a few yards away. Zoro was numb for a moment, then remembered the other boy's words.

"Z-Zoro... what-"

Before his sensei could take another step towards him, Zoro bolted in the other direction. Or, at least, he tried to. He got about five paces before he collapsed in a puddle, now covered in muddy water.

His sensei had him in his arms in a flash and Zoro struggled against him with the few ounces of energy and sheer will he had left.

"No..." He meant to scream, but it came out as a meek plea.

"Zoro what happened to you?! Who did this?!"

"Stop it, please..." And Zoro lost consciousness again.

When he woke up this time, he was in a warm, clean place. He knew he had been bathed, but that thick, dirty feeling still hadn't gone away. His whole body ached and his throat was so dry. He didn't want to move from the warm, clean, white blanket he was under. He wanted to crawl further under it and never, ever come out.

"How do you feel?"

He jumped slightly, not realizing his sensei was with him. He looked over to see his sensei looking over him with a nervous look he'd only seen reserved for when younger, brasher, and mostly _weaker_ students pushed themselves to far, or lost to a stronger opponent.

_Weak._

"Zoro, how do you feel?"

Zoro didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he could say. He wasn't supposed to tell. But what was he supposed to say happened?

"Ha..." Was all he could managed before his voice cracked, and tears began to well up again.

He didn't want to leave the dojo. He didn't want everyone to hate him. He didn't want Kuina to hate him. He was so ashamed.

"I... I... I'm sorry sensei-" He sobbed. "Please don't make me leave! I promise I'll never do it again!" Zoro pulled his body up and best he could and made to bow in front of his sensei. "I'm not bad! I didn't want to and I'm sorry!" Zoro could taste his tears now and he knew he looked pathetic.

Strong arms wrapped around him and held him tightly.

"Shhhh. Zoro stop. That's enough." Zoro buried his head in his sensei's neck. His sensei's strong, gentle hands gently rubbed his back. Sobs still racked Zoro's body as he told himself to breathe and calm down. He had to think of something to save himself.

"Zoro... you have to tell me what happened to you." His sensei's voice was stern but gentle. "You have to tell me the truth."

Zoro sniffed and pushed away from his sensei. "I-... I can't."

Sensei gently tipped Zoro's head up by his chin. "Look at me Zoro."

Zoro was forced to make eye contact, and was met with eyes as full as tears as his were. He gasped, not expecting to see that from his sensei.

He had to tell him. He couldn't lie to his sensei. He never could. He sobbed miserably. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want everyone to hate him. But he couldn't lie.

"They-they..."

Zoro unleashed his miserable story, sobbing through some parts, screaming through others, and whispering at the end. As much as he knew he was dreading the end, because he would be told to leave, he felt like poison was being let from his body.

When he was finished he bowed deeply again, dry heaving from all the trauma to his lungs.

"Please sensei please I'm sorry! Don't make me go! I promise I'll never do it again!"

"Zoro stop it!" His sensei barked. Zoro was so shocked he looked up. The tears were still in his sensei's eyes, but so now too was such anger that he was afraid.

This was it.

Sensei wasn't going to let him stay.

Everyone was going to hate him.

He flinched as sensei grabbed his arms tightly. But instead of being shoved away or hit, he was pulled closely to his teacher once again. He almost couldn't breathe.

"This was not your fault, Zoro. You didn't do _anything_ wrong. I would never make you leave here. You're not bad, Zoro. You didn't do anything. You're not in trouble. They wronged you, Zoro. They hurt you. Do you understand me?"

Zoro began to cry again.

Zoro woke up on the deck of the Going Merry. He shivered, despite the warmth. His face felt moist, and he realized with horror that he had been crying in his sleep. He quickly wiped the moisture away and looked around to make sure nobody was nearby or had heard him. That tight, painful feeling one gets when one wants to or has been crying still haunted Zoro's chest and he breathed, reminding himself it was a dream. A memory. In the past. He looked around the deck, everything was pristine (or as pristine as it was going to get on a pirate ship), warm, and sunny. He shook himself and got up. He needed some water. Or booze.

He stalked to the kitchen and found Sanji, Luffy, and Usopp playing cards. He decided to forego alcohol, not wanting to risk getting drunk in his mildly emotional state. Not that it showed on his face. He had long ago trained himself not to show emotions concerning pain, sadness, or real happiness. Those weren't safe.

He got himself down a glass and filled it with cool water from the sink. He downed it all and filled himself another glass.

Luffy and Usopp were arguing about each other cheating while Sanji idly smoked his cigarette, taking advantage of the distraction to peek at Usopp's cards.

Everything was fine.

* * *

Zoro had been slightly listless and lethargic for the rest of the day. His face remained as passive as stone, and he just wanted to be alone. As surprising as it might seem, that wasn't difficult to obtain on the Going Merry. Someone was always on watch, and when that wasn't Nami, she was in her room. Robin was usually reading somewhere, and Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper usually found ways to entertain each other. Sanji usually remained in the kitchen, and when he wasn't, he was near the girls. So all Zoro had to do was steer clear of Luffy and co., and the girls to be alone.

It had been at least... two years since he had last thought or dreamt about it.

The boys had been handed over to the local police. Sensei made sure that no one outside of himself, Zoro, those others involved, and the police knew about it. He had bounced right back, just glad to know he wasn't going to have to leave. Sensei watched over him carefully for several months afterwards, but Zoro had been fine. He had worked even harder to become stronger, if just to make sure it would never happen again.

Then she had died. Kuina had...

Zoro shook his head. He was really going to need some booze tonight.

* * *

Dinner was good, as usual. Sanji had tried several times to bait him into arguing. Barking at him to get his elbows off the table, close his mouth when he chewed, chew his food longer, stop slurping, don't take the last tomato, it was for Nami, he should have asked Robin if she wanted a refill on his drink before he got one, etc.

Zoro, for his part, was submissive and just did as he was told. He didn't really want to talk, or argue. He just shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. He got a slight satisfaction of knowing how it seemed to unnerve the cook how much Zoro was behaving.

"Ne, Zoro, are you sick?" Chopper finally asked after Sanji had threatened to kick his marimo head through the door for picking his teeth at the table and Zoro had shrugged again. "Do you feel warm, does your stomach hurt? Are you-"

"I'm fine Chopper. Just kinda tired today." Zoro said, looking and Chopper and grinning. "Just because I don't want to fight with the love-cook tonight doesn't mean I'm carrying a disease."

"You probably are. Who knows where you've been, you dirty-"

Zoro wasn't really aware of when he body began to move, what triggered it, and why he didn't remember anything until he had grabbed Sanji by the throat and had him up against the wall. He just knew that Nami had screamed, and Chopper was trying to pull him back. The look on Sanji's face was one of pure shock and... fear.

When he realized that Sanji really, truly couldn't breathe and that he was causing it, he released the cook, who immediately dropped to the floor. Chopper, who had transformed into his bigger form, popped back to chibi size and ran to Sanji's side. Zoro still had his arm in the air, his hand still wrapped around some imaginary neck. He blinked and dropped his hand, then looked down at Sanji who was having a coughing fit and grabbing at his throat.

"Zoro!" Luffy yelled. "What did you do that for! He's your nakama!"

"Everyone out." Chopper said with quiet intensity. "Zoro, you stay until I get back."

Zoro just stood there, watching as this all happened. It was kinda like slow motion. He heard everything, but it was extremely quiet.

When the kitchen was empty, he slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor. It was either a few seconds or an eternity afterwards that the door opened slowly again, and Chopper poked his head back in. The small reindeer approached the swordsman slowly. He looked like he was trying to hold back tears. Zoro certainly hadn't meant to cause that.

"Z-Zoro... I have a sedative in my bag that I will use if I need to, okay?" Chopper said, as he placed a small hoof on Zoro's arm. Zoro looked at the reindeer.

"Is he alright?" He croaked.

"He'll be okay. His voice will be strained for a few days, and he'll probably cough a bit between then and now, but no serious damage... Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I don't know." Zoro replied. His voice was hollow. "I still don't know what's happening. I... wouldn't have done that. He wasn't on guard. He was just being stupid, like he always is. I don't know why I did it. I didn't even know I was doing it until after it was done."

Chopper nodded, looking Zoro over. "Have you had any black outs lately?"

"No."

"Sleep walking that you know of? Fall asleep one place, wake up in another?"

"No."

"Headaches?"

"No."

"Are you upset about something?"

Chopper looked at Zoro. "Ne... Zoro, I can't help you if you don't tell me whats wrong. You have to tell me the truth."

_You have to tell me the truth._

"I-I know Sanji was trying to get you to fight with him. Did he go to far? Eh... he's, well, you've both said meaner things to each other and-..."

"He didn't know what he was saying, Chopper. It just reminded me of something and I just kinda... reacted. It won't happen again."

"What did it remind you of?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Chopper. I said it won't happen again."

"But what if he says something else that he doesn't realize will make you snap? What if we're not around to stop you? Do you really want to hurt him? Zoro?"

"Then the stupid fuck should shut his damn mouth!" Zoro yelled and got up, stomping out the door and slamming it roughly behind him. Everyone except Sanji was standing around. Now they were all looking at him.

"Is there a problem here? So I fucking snapped! The pissy shit ass cook needs to learn when to fucking knock it off! Anyone who has a problem with that can certainly take it up with me!"

"But Zoro-" Nami began.

"I don't even want to fucking hear it from you! Don't take up for that asshole and pretend you care! You're just using him like everyone else on this god damn ship!"

"Hey! I didn't do anything-"

Zoro took a few steps toward her when Luffy stepped in front of him. "Zoro. That's enough."

Zoro stopped and suddenly felt a small sting in his right arm. He looked down and saw Chopper looking up at him. There was a needle in his arm.

"I'm sorry Zoro. Why don't you sleep for a while?"

* * *

"What the fuck was that all about?" Sanji said horsely. Everyone was in Nami and Robin's room. Sanji had been lying down on the couch while Chopper put bandages on it.

"He even turned on me and I didn't do anything! He... wouldn't have done anything to me, would he?" Nami said, looking very unsure and more than upset. Robin put her arm around her shoulders.

"Not unless he wanted me to kill him." Sanji said darkly.

"Something is very wrong with Swordsman-san. From the beginning of dinner until now, he hasn't looked like himself." Robin said softly.

"Ne, Chopper. You have to fix Zoro. He's the first mate, he can't act like this. We're nakama." Luffy said sternly.

"I'll fix the bastard up all right. I'll fucking kill him. We'll find a new first mate. This is bullshit-"

"Zoro isn't sick." Chopper said, sighing and finishing up his job on Sanji's neck.

He hopped down from the couch and began pacing the room.

"Something like this is a mental instability-"

"So the fucker's a nut job! Kick him off the ship, we don't need-"

"Let Chopper talk Sanji!" Usopp said. "Maybe if you hadn't pushed Zoro so much today than this wouldn't have happened!"

"Enough!" Chopper yelled angrily. It was an interesting effect. Everyone was quiet and looked at him, quite startled to see such aggressiveness out of the young reindeer.

"Zoro seems to be suffering from some sort of acute stress. The way he described it to me is that he didn't know what he was doing until after it was done. He wasn't in control of himself. He was acting strangely all though dinner, but his appetite was okay. He doesn't have any other symptons of mental instability, but something is obviously bothering him. Sanji, he said you said something that made him remember something bad. He said that you probably didn't realize you said it, but before he could think of what he was doing, he had already grabbed you. So you triggered a bad memory for Zoro that made him automatically react in a violent way. What did you say this time that you haven't ever said before?"

Sanji looked confused. "I always talk shit to him. That's what we do. That bastards just making up excuses."

"Has Zoro ever done something like this to you before?" Robin asked.

"...No."

"Then I think it's probable that Swordsman-san is telling the truth. He doesn't have a reason to hurt any of us. Swordsman-san and Cook-san aren't the best of friends, but I have never seen him want to truly hurt you. Nor you him. So please try to think hard about what you said that might have been different this time."

Sanji sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "If it's for Robin-swan, of course."

"Zoro should sleep through tonight and most of tomorrow morning. When he wakes up I want everyone to stay away from him. Don't do anything that might agitate him. We might have to stop at the next island and stay there until we can get this worked out. What do you think Luffy?"

Luffy put his hand on his hat, his face was dark. "Just fix my nakama." He left the room.

Usopp sighed, depressed. "I'll take Zoro's watch tonight." He left the room quietly.

"Sanji, if you want to sleep in here tonight, you're welcome. Robin won't mind, ne?" Robin smiled and nodded. Sanji swooned.

"That's so sweet of you ladies. But I wouldn't want to burden you. I'll be fine."

They smiled and excused themselves.

Chopper and Sanji were left alone.

"I know you're angry at Zoro, Sanji. But... people who are unseated mentally like this can't be held accountable for their actions. Mothers have gone insane and killed their children before, wake up the next day, found them dead and not remembered a thing of it. If something happened to Zoro in his past that is agitating his subconscious right now, he really might not know what he's doing. We have to be very careful about this. You can't take it personally. I imagine that when Zoro grabbed you, he didn't even see you. He probably saw someone else."

Sanji sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "That's all fine and dandy Chopper, but the moment he endangers Nami or Robin, or anyone else on this ship, thats the moment I stop caring about whether he's sane, insane, mentally unstable or otherwise. Fixing him cannot come before keep everyone safe."

Chopper nodded.

* * *

_Zoro..._

_-You... Why are you here?-  
_

_You put your hands on a innocent._

_-... I did?-_

_Your power is not to hurt those who don't deserve it. How could you?_

_-I didn't mean to... I lost it...-_

_You are not at peace.  
_

_-I can't... I can't reconcile it. I can't.-_

_You can, or you'll become what you hate the most._

_-It won't change what happened.-_

_You'll never become the best if you cannot over come this. Will you hurt another?_

_-No.-_

_Will you?_

_-No!-_

_Will you?_

_-NO!-_

Zoro woke up suddenly, dazzling sunlight filtering through the men's bunk. He was on the couch, he was covered in sweat, and he felt groggy.

_Chopper... sedated me._

He groaned and rubbed his face.

_Crying. Again._

_Fucking pansy._

Zoro got up. He felt like hell. He wanted to find Sanji. To tell him it wouldn't happen again.

_"Who know's where you've been, you dirty-..."_ Zoro closed his eyes and tried to remove the memory from his mind.

He poked his head outside the door. It was probably about noon, from the looks of the sun. He could see Robin in the crow's nest, and Usopp was sitting on the stairwell fiddling with some sort of knick knack. He walked meekly out onto the deck to get a better look around. Usopp looked up and saw him.

"H-hey... Zoro..." The long nosed man looked like his was torn between running away and walking up to Zoro and hugging him.

"Usopp..."

Instead Usopp just smiled and laughed a little. "There's sandwiches in the kitchen if you're hungry. That is, if Luffy hasn't gotten to them already."

Zoro nodded, and made his way to the kitchen. Sanji would probably be in there anyway. He would have to apologize to his captain too. A mixture of guilt and dread plagued him.

_Stupid idiot. Can't even keep calm because of some stupid memory. Had to lose control over something like that. Choke the life out of your nakama, shit._

_I probably scared the hell out of Nami._

And it was Nami he found in the kitchen with Chopper instead of Sanji. Nami was so startled she stood up out of her chair and stepped back several paces.

Zoro had never felt worse about anything in his life.

He looked at Chopper who was looking at him nervously. "I'm alright right now. I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday." The little reindeer's eyes began to water. He sniffed.

"Okay." Chopper walked up to the swordsman and put his hoof on Zoro's knee. "We have to talk about it, when you're ready, okay?"

Zoro simply nodded. He looked at Nami again, who looked slightly panicked. Her eyes follwed Chopper as he left the kitchen. Apparently she didn't like the idea of being left alone with the swordsman. The table separated them.

Zoro wasn't quite sure what to say. His relationship with Nami wasn't particularly friendly to begin with. She was a conniving woman who had him in debt up to his green, spiky hair. But she was his nakama, and he begrudged her a tremendous amount of respect, knowing what he knew about her past. She didn't deserve to have a violent hand turned towards her by someone who should be using that hand to protecting her.

"Are you really okay?" Nami said, her hand gripping the chair in front of her tightly. Her knuckles were white.

Shame like he never knew hit him in waves.

"Nami... I don't know what happened yesterday. I have some vague reasoning, but... it doesn't make it right." He kept his gaze on her hands. "I took steps towards you in anger. I might have hurt you then, I don't know. But I... don't want to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt the cook." He went quiet for a moment. He didn't really know how to say what he wanted to, or if anything he could say would help. "On a regular day, I would kill anyone who acted the way towards you or San-... my nakama the way I did yesterday." He looked at and saw that Nami was looking at him with sadnes in her eyes.

"Zoro... what did Sanji say to make you so upset?" She released her death grip on the chair.

Zoro sighed. "I was just being weak." Nami took a few steps towards him and stopped within arm's reach. Her hand reached out to his arm.

"Zoro, you are not weak. I'm just glad to know that you weren't in your right mind yesterday. I didn't know what I was going to do if that was the way you really felt." She took another step towards him. "Zoro, look at me please."

If only because he owed it to her, Zoro matched her gaze. The sudden impulse to pull his... friend into his arms was overwhelming. He wanted to hug her, tell her he was sorry, and promise that she would never, ever have to think about it again. She seemed to sense his tenderness and wrapped her arms around his waist. He sighed with relief and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Nami." She tightened her hug.

"It's okay. I am here if you need me. You don't have to fix this by yourself, you know."

Zoro nodded.

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" They heard Luffy shout from outside. The released each other from the embrace.

"Land?" Zoro said.

Nami nodded. "We're gonna take a break for a week or so. Restock. The place is supposedly a small port town called Atad. It's small enough that you shouldn't have any trouble getting lost." She grinned.

Zoro snorted. "I don't get lost."

The door to the kitchen opened and Sanji walked in. Zoro saw the bandages on his neck.

"We need you to release the anchor. Nami, come with me." He said, holding his hand out to the red head. She obeyed and nodded to Zoro. Sanji left without another word.

Zoro sighed. He released the anchor as the sailed into the harbor. Luffy greeted him with a smile and a hard smack on the back with his rubbery hand. "Are ya hungry?"

_Are you alright?_

"Not really."

_I'm alright._

"Sure?"

_You had me worried._

"Sure."

_I'm sorry._

* * *

They docked without much ado. Zoro stayed in the background, silent. The town seemed pirate friendly. Nami was either being considerate of the situation, or felt particularly generous, but she purchased separate rooms for everyone at the inn. She smiled and said she'd add it to Zoro's debt.

According to the locals, there was a festival in two days, so everyone agreed they should stay for a minimum of four days. Two extra days for the hangovers they might need to nurse.

And that was when Chopper pulled Zoro aside and told him that he was under doctor's orders not to consume an ounce of alcohol. Zoro dropped his jaw and shouted, "WHAT?!", but Chopper threatened him with a sedative and Zoro promptly shut his mouth.  


"You and Nami seemed to have worked things out." The little doctor said, the toe of his hoof scratching a spot in the ground.

"Mm."

"...Have... you spoken to Sanji?"

"No."

"I think-"

"I know. I just don't know what to say, Chopper. Sorry I tried to strangle the life out of you, ero-cook?" Zoro muttered.

"Maybe." Chopper said, looking up at Zoro with bright, innocent eyes. Zoro flinched.

"Talk to him before we leave. Doctor's orders." He said, stern suddenly.

"Doctor's orders my ass! You're trying to kill me!" Zoro retorted.

Chopper reached in his bag.

"Alright! Alright! Just put that damn needle away!"

Chopper smiled.

Zoro scowled.

* * *

Two days of boredom. Zoro was also under orders not to lift weights. He was allowed to do katas, run, jump, climb trees and anything else he might want to do, but without his weights, he couldn't get in much of an exercise.

If this was Chopper's idea of theraputic, he was sorely wrong. Zoro was able to avoid Sanji simply because the cook was obviously avoiding him. Usopp seemed to have gotten comfortable with Zoro again, and Luffy didn't seem phased by anything. Nami resumed torturing him about his debt, ordering him around, talking about interest rates, etc. Robin gave him occasional smiles and winks. She teased him when one of the local girls asked him if he was married.

Honestly.

How old was she? Five?

Zoro had stuttered and been flustered and said, "No." The girl giggled and blushed. He promptly ran far away.

The only thing, aside from not being able to train properly or drink that made this vacation of sorts miserable was the dream he had had during a nap the day of the festival.

It hadn't been the memory of the rape this time.

It hadn't even been about the incident on the Going Merry that day.

He was sleeping next to Sanji. In a field of yellow grass that was at least a foot high, the two of them were sleeping next to each other. They weren't touching, they were bothed fully clothed. Sanji was curled next to him, facing him in his sleep. It was so quiet, so peaceful, so calm. He could see himself from outside his body how even and deep his breaths were. This was his peace, he remembered thinking before he woke up.

And waking up this time hadn't been such a jostling affair. He breathed deeply and opened his eyes and felt rested. No damps tears. No aching chest. He didn't need to look around to know that he had woken up just where he had fallen asleep, underneath a tree on the outskirts on the village. It was mid afternoon. It was a very pleasant feeling.

But the more he thought about it, the more it frustrated him. His peace shouldn't include the fucking ero-cook.

They were supposed to meet back up at the inn before going to join in at the festival. There was going to be a costume parade, food, dancing, music, story telling, contests of strength, races, and all sorts of things he was sure there rest of the crew might enjoy. But he couldn't even drink. Damn that little reindeer. He would have just stayed in his room or not joined them at all if he didn't already know that Chopper would come running with that needle.

He needed some distraction from thinking.

Maybe if he just _asked_ Chopper if he could stay in it wouldn't be a problem.

When he met everyone, they were all chattering loudly about what they were going to do.

"MEAT!"

"Dancing-"

"Of course they'll want to hear about the great Captain Usopp-"

"I want to see the parade-"

They all began to file outside when Zoro stopped Chopper.

"You can stay here if you like Zoro." The doctor said, smiling knowingly.

Zoro sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Right. Thanks."

He watched them walk down the dirt street into the heart of the little town. He walked back to his room and laid down.

_I didn't want him to say that. To think I was... dirty._

_Didn't want him to know I was weak._

_Wanted him to... not hate me._

_Maybe, yeah, I liked it when we fought._

_Liked the way he looked._

_Maybe I liked it more than I should have._

_Maybe thats why it bothered me when he said that._

The door opened and Sanji walked in, cigarette in his mouth. He closed the door behind him. His face was dark.

Zoro was immediately uncomfortable laying down in the other man's presence so he stood up. Sanji just stood in front of the door. He took a deep drag on his cigarette and blew the smoke out slowly.

"Got somethin' to say to me, shitty marimo?"

Zoro chafed at that. But he reeled in his pride, remembering that he had laid his hands on this man in real, unrighteous violence. His nakama.

"I'm sorry." He said quickly and quietly, crossing his arms over his chest, feeling exposed and self conscious.

"Sorry 'bout what, you dumb fuck!" Sanji spat angrily. Zoro glared. He bit back anger once again.

"I'm sorry for trying to strangle you, shit cook." Zoro ground out.

"Wrong answer." Sanji said before Zoro felt the impact of Sanji's foot slam into his chest, pinning him against the way.

"The fuck?!" Zoro said, coughing.

"I said, WRONG ANSWER. You can beat the shit outta me all you want. I will never forgive you for even _speaking_ to Nami that way. We're gonna work out your fucking mental issues right here and right now, because my number priority is her and Robin's safety, you dumb ass." Sanji's foot pressed harder on Zoro's chest, and Zoro gasped for breath. His swords were lying across the room. Even if they hadn't been, his own shame about the situation would compel him not to draw them or even make a move in defense.

"Does... does working aaaah... out my... issues... include fuck... killing me?" Zoro managed to get out.

"Maybe. We'll see." Sanji released Zoro from the hold and stepped back. "What the fuck's your problem, marimo?"

Zoro had to grip the wall behind him to stay standing. "S'nothing. Not any more at least."

Zoro saw the side kick coming from a mile a way, but either didn't have the will or sense to dodge it. It landed square on his temple and sent him flying into the opposite wall.

"Nami isn't going to be happy about these repair bills, asshole." Sanji said, annoyed. Zoro grunted, holding his throbbing head as he tried to get back up, but failed.

"I don't think you letting me beat the shit out of you constitutes working out your mental problems, marimo fuck head. Either say something, or I keep kicking."

Zoro vaguely remembered the moment of misery that occured just before he told sensei that he had been raped. Sure, it had all turned out for good then. But this was a different story. He would have to tell Sanji what happened, Sanji would tell him it was a poor excuse, and then Sanji would know. He would fucking know. Know he was a weak, pathetic, fucked up, dirty whore. Even if sensei told him over and over again that it hadn't been his fault, that he hadn't done anything wrong, it still didn't change the fact that he was dirty. That they picked him, out of everyone else, as fit to rape. They thought _he_ had deserved it. And there had to be something to that.

"Oi. Don't just sit there, dumb shit! Say something!"

"I wanted to forget."

Sanji blinked. "What?"

"I wanted to forget I was..." Zoro got up slowly and gingerly. He looked at Sanji. "You called me dirty, that morning. It's been over 10 years since I thought of myself that way. I thought I had forgotten about it, gotten over it, moved on, but I hadn't. I snapped. I snapped at Nami for... other reasons, I think." Zoro almost looked thoughtful. "Yeah... I think so. But you said it and I snapped. I didn't realize what I was doing. I hate your fucking guts, you shit head cook, but I never... I don't want to see you dead."

"What did you want to forget? What? Kids tease you about being a snot nosed brat when you were a kid? Grow up, shit head! It's no reason to try and kill someone!" Sanji snapped. "Is that what happened? You're fucking traumatised cuz' you were teased as a kid?"

Zoro picked a button on Sanji's jacket to stare at. "I wasn't teased."

"Then what, asshole?! What could possibly justify what you did?!"

The button was black. And shiny.

"I was..." Zoro stopped. He felt nauseated. "...7 years old when I was gang raped. Four times. They called me a dirty little slut. When you said it that day I snapped." He laughed, but there was no humor in his eyes. "Dreamt about the rape that very afternoon actually, so I was already a little off kilter. I hadn't dreamt about it in so long... It's not an excuse, it's just a reason. In any case, I already talked to Nami. If you think I'm a danger to the crew, you're going to have to kill me, because I'm not leaving. Least ways not until Luffy tells me to." Zoro looked up from the shiny black button and felt sick again. The look on Sanji's face was hard to describe. It was somewhere west of horrified and somewhere south of disgusted.

So now he knew.


	2. Chapter 2

After that, Zoro walked out of the room, down the hall, out the door of the inn, and into the now darkening night. People were everywhere. He darted through the crowd and made his way up the road. The cook was still in his room, he supposed, so he couldn't be there. Didn't want to be with anyone else. He followed the dirt road as it led out of the town and up a hill, which then split off into three roads; to the dock, father into the island, and to a small inlet cove that fed a small stream that weaved through the whole of Atad. It was going to get chilly soon, but he decided to take the road down to the cove. It was deserted as everyone else was at the festival. He told himself that, as soon as the sun set completely, he'd go back. Sanji would be gone by then.

_Fucking doctor's orders._

* * *

Sanji watched numbly as Zoro left, leaving his swords behind.

Sanji wasn't sure he'd ever felt worse in his life. Which was how he was sure Zoro felt about the entire ordeal. How was he supposed to have known the swordsman had to bear something like that? How was he supposed to feel?

He hated that it had ever happened. He was angry, at the ones who did, and at himself, for causing Zoro to have to relive it.

_"Who knows where you've been, you dirty-"_

Sanji felt sick. He put his hand over his mouth and crouched down.

_This is all my fault. What he did to me, what he nearly did to Nami... my fault. My fault. I should be the one being punished._

_He just let me kick him around like that..._

_What am I supposed to say to him that won't make it worse?_

_How could he bear it?_

Sanji's breathing was getting fast and he sat down on his knees. He told himself to calm down and not think about it too much, but images of what it might have been like kept running through his head. How he would have dealt with it. How he would feel, what he would have done.

_7 years old._

He closed his eyes and fought off the bile rising in his throat. Unknowingly, Sanji had far outdone Zoro in 

doing what was unjustifiable.

_I just shoved it in his face-_

"Sanji?" Chopper interrupted his thoughts as he poked his head through the door. Sanji started.

"Chopper-"

"I thought it would be something like that." The little reindeer whispered sadly.

"What?" Sanji said.

"Well, I thought it would be something like that. He had all the classic warning signs that day. Zoro isn't typical, so I hadn't suspected it before now. He's very strong... it's unfortunate that this is his latent reaction." Chopper said, sitting down next to the chef. "I didn't actually mean to over hear, I just wanted to be nearby in case Zoro lost control again. He's going to need counseling."

"Ch. He wouldn't need it if I hadn't..."

"You didn't know, Sanji. You had no idea. You can't blame yourself. But now you know what not to say, what lines not to cross." Chopper said with wisdom that belied his few years. "Zoro won't appreciate being treated delicately, it's been hard on him these past few days, but I think that if you show some understanding, he might react well to it. It was probably very hard for him to tell you. He let himself be vulnerable to you. It might have been that he thought he had nothing to lose, but it might also mean that he trusts you in someway, even if he doesn't know it himself... Just think for a moment how you would feel if you told Zoro about a time when something happened beyond your control. Something you could do nothing to stop or prevent."

_I would feel weak._

_Especially if I told him._

Sanji sighed. "You won't tell everyone, will you?"

Chopper shook his head. "No. It's his decision to tell people. But I'm afraid that now that we know, we might be responsible for making sure this doesn't happen again. Who knows when Usopp or Nami might accidentally slip up and say something and Zoro snaps again? This isn't his fault, he shouldn't be sent away or punished for it. But I don't want to think that I'm going to have to used up my sedative supply."

Sanji smiled half heartedly.

"I'll take care of the marimo-head. Just leave it to me. This is my fault anyway."

* * *

Sanji wasn't a martyr. But he knew when he had made a mistake. Even if that mistake wasn't conscious, he knew when he should be responsible for it.

So that's what he was doing.

Being responsible.

Which was why he was carrying that stupid marimo head's swords down to the cove, where Chopper told him Zoro's scent had trailed off.

Sure enough, there the big ape was, just standing their in front of the endless ocean, staring off into the last oranges and purples of the sunset.

Fucking glorious view.

Sanji lit a cigarette and made sure to make plenty of noise on his walk down to the little beach. He stopped just a few feet behind the swordsman and thrust out the swords.

"Forgot these, dumb shit."

Zoro turned around. His face was impassive as he took the swords and attached them underneath his haramaki.

"Thanks."

Sanji took a deep drag on the cigarette before throwing it into the damp sand he was standing on and stamping it out.

"I'm the one who owes you an apology, Zoro. If you'd have fucking told me that to begin with, this wouldn't have been a big deal, shit-for-brains. That's rough. I don't know what I would do. But now I know, and I won't say anything like it again."

He saw Zoro's shoulders stiffen more and more as he spoke.

"I'm not weak."

"Never said you were, ass hat."

"You're thinking it."

Sanji threw his hands up. "Well thanks for fuckin tellin me! Had you not, I wouldn't have known how I feel! I don't think you're week, dumbass! If I did, I'd feel sorry for you! As it is, I'm just pissed at myself for being such a fuckin jack ass! You were kid! Now you're like... one of the... fuckin... shit, Zoro, you're up there with Luffy... I don't know..." Sanji ended lamely.

Zoro turned around and looked at him like he was a neurology patient.

"Was there a point to that?"

Sanji glared. "I'm just sayin, it doesn't change how I feel about... how I think... how I _see_ you god damn it. Shit happens to people. None of us deserve it. It wasn't your fault, it doesn't make you weak, and I'm sorry I said what I said! Will ya be normal now for fuck's sake?!"

It was dark now and the wind was picking up. Sanji shivered.

Zoro grunted and made to start back, but Sanji grabbed his shoulder.

"Tell me one more thing, Marimo."

"What, shit cook?"

"Why did you yell at Nami?"

Zoro had thought long and hard about that too. To begin with, he had been a little insane at that point, but also very, Zoro shuddered, emotional. He figured it had something to do with wanting to constantly pin Sanji to a wall and do things to him, but Nami always had the damn love cook around her finger. Might have been something akin to jealousy. Or as close as he was going to get to over a love sick perverted cook.

"Ah... that was nothing." He started walking again, but found his feet swept out from underneath him. He landed hard on the sand. "The fuck asshole!?"

Once again, Sanji's foot was back on Zoro's chest. "You should know not to fuck with me when it comes to the ladies. _What.was.that.ABOUT?_"

Zoro choked on his breath. He gasped a few times before he was able to speak. "What if I told you it was just something else you'd regret hearing?"

This seemed to cause some hesitancy is Sanji.

"Doesn't matter. I already told you, ass hole, nothings going to change."

Zoro smirked. "Oh really."

"What? Don't trust me shit head? Aren't we nakama?" Sanji said, bristling at Zoro's attitude.

"Let me up and I'll tell you." Zoro said, still smirking. Sanji didn't like what he saw behind Zoro's eyes. There was something other than a bad attitude. Fear. Zoro was still afraid that whatever he might say might change things. Sanji would just prove the bastard wrong. He moved his foot and offered the shit swordsman a hand up. Zoro accepted it and brushed the sand off him.

"Well?" Sanji said, palming another cigarette and lighting it. Zoro muttered something then turned to go.

"Oi! You said you would-"

"I never said I'd tell you right here and now." Zoro said, retreating back towards the village.

"You'll tell me before we leave this island if you ever want to eat again you dumb bastard!" Sanji called after him.

* * *

The two men found their way to the festival in time to see Luffy pass out after eating his 729th piece of meat. They townspeople had been cheering him on, heedless of Usopp's 19,876th tale of the Great Captain of the Seas. Robin and Nami were sitting next to Chopper around a huge bonfire that had been lit in the town circle. They were drinking and talking loudly along with several other villages. Chopper kept holding his mouth to keep from laughing loudly.

Zoro wasn't sure he was ready to sit amongst all this noise and commotion, but Sanji elbowed him towards Chopper and the girls and handed him a mug of something to drink.

"I'm not allowed-"

"It's just juice, idiot. Go siddown." Scowling, Zoro sat next to Nami, who was blushing madly and giggling. Apparently she was a little drunk. Robin was sporting a pretty little rouge as well.

"Ah, you ladies look so lovely this evening! The fire dances on your skin, your beauty is exponentially increasing by the moment!" Sanji cooed, sitting next to the swordsman.

"Zoro! WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?!" Chopper said shrilly.

"It's just juice, Chopper." Zoro said calmly. He too was trying not to smile, because Chopper's fur had puffed up, making him look like a fuzzball with a blue nose and antlers.

"Oh..." He said, embarassed.

Zoro, for his part, just tried not to think too much about anything and quietly enjoyed the evening. He grunted every once and a while, threw an insult or two the stupid cook's way when it was warranted, and tried not to get himself spotted by that overly giggly village girl who had asked about his marital status earlier. Robin seemed to be going out of her way to _get_ him spotted by said girl. By 4 am he had made it without incident, and he, Robin and Chopper helped Nami, Sanji, Usopp and Luffy stumble back to their rooms. It was helpful with all of Robin's limbs. Poor sport for him, not being drunk, but it just meant that he wouldn't wake up with a hang over in the morning.

* * *

It took those two full extra days to get everyone back to proper health. By then the log pose had set, and he was playing mule to some last minute shopping on Sanji and Nami's part. At least Sanji had bothered to come. Nami just sent them with a list and threatened to double his debt if he made a single mistake.

He was in the middle of trying to balance a huge bag of spices on top of a heavy box of map sheets when Sanji said, "You've got about an hour and a half to spill it, marimo, or you're never eating again."

"Che. Still going on about that?"

Sanji sucked on his cigarette and eyeballed some fruit. "I'm not gonna risk it again, shit head. You either tell me what's going on in that pea brain of yours, or you starve."

Zoro remained silent and sulky through the rest of the shopping. Sanji continued to threaten him with things beyond starvation. They made it to the dock and Zoro began unloading all the supplies on the ship.

"I'm serious Zoro. The moment we lift anchor-"

"Will you give it a fucking rest, shit cook?!" Zoro growled. "Just let me put this shit up and we'll talk our fucking heads off all you god damn want!" The swordsman stomped in the galley with the packages. In truth, Zoro had that quivery feeling in his stomach that made one feel kinda week and uncontrollably twitchy at the same time. He didn't mind lying this time, he just couldn't think of a good excuse.

Zoro jerked slightly when he heard the door shut behind him. Sanji stood there with the rest of the supplies, tapping his foot impatiently.

The swordsman rolled his eyes and sighed, putting his armfuls of supplies down.

"Why are you itching to know so bad anyway? Me and the she-demon are fine now. I apologized. I already apologized." He said gruffly, crossing his arms again the way he did that day in the inn. Sanji put down his stuff as well.

Sanji's vein above his eyebrow was starting to throb dangerously. "Do you wanna eat, or not?" He ground out.

"I was mad at her because of the debt."

Sanji's jaw dropped. "For that... for THAT? FOR THAT YOU MADE A VIOLENT ADVANCE TOWARDS HER? FOR THAT YOU YELLED AT HER?! FOR THAT, ZORO?!"

Zoro shrugged. "Never said it was a good excuse."

Sanji's eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you."

Zoro made a "geh" sound and scratched the back of his head. "You don't have to believe me."

Sanji advanced on Zoro. "Oh ho ho yes I do. You have to _make_ me believe you because until I'm sure Nami and Robin are safe, you-"

"Fuck that! THAT'S the god damn problem to begin with you shit head!" Zoro yelled, and got up in Sanji's face. "You're all fucking over that woman and she couldn't give a damn about you! Take a fucking hint, moron! She doesn't want you! Maybe you should pay attention to someone that does for once!"

Sanji grabbed Zoro's collar,yelling just as loudly. "OH YEAH? LIKE WHO?"

"LIKE ME, ASSHOLE!"

Silence.

Sanji still had a hold of Zoro's shirt. His eyes were wide in shock, astonishment, or _something_.

"What... did you just say?"

"Told you you wouldn't want to hear it." Zoro said, waiting for that moment of rejection he hadn't recieved from sensei, but knew he would get here.

This time everyone really would hate him. Sanji really would think he was dirty. He might really even kill him.

Sanji's grip got tighter. "That's not what I asked you. I asked you to tell me... what you just said."

Zoro looked away. "Che. I said like me, asshole."

Sanji released the swordsman with a shove. He stomped out the galley door without another word.

Zoro didn't want to fall, that would be pathetic. He didn't want to move either. So he just stood there, kind of looking at the floor. A moment later Sanji stormed back in, a fresh cigarette in his mouth.

"You said WHAT?" He looked at Zoro expectantly.

Zoro wondered slightly is Sanji had gone off the deep end as well.

"I said-"

"I know what you said! I'm not stupid!" Sanji began pacing the galley. "Why? Why did you say that?" He said in an accusatory manner.

Zoro gaped stupidly for a moment before managing to get out, "Because I meant it, you ass!" Sanji stopped pacing and looked at him again. Something seemed to dawn on the cook.

"Oh ho ho. Clever my friend. But no, that won't work. You had me there for all of five seconds, you shitty liar. Now tell me the truth!"

This was insulting. If Sanji was going to kill him, he better get on with it. No more bullshitting around. But now the ero-cook was accusing him of lying about something like this?

"You fucking son of a bitch! I'm not lying you idiot! Why would I lie about something like this!? You think I'm stupid? You punk ass piece of rotten shit! I've been in love with your shitty face since Arlong Park! You think I'm lying? Fucking try me, Sanji! Just you fucking try me!"

Sanji threw his cigarette away. "Why the hell should I believe you, you shit face!"

Cliches aside, Zoro closed the distance between them, fisted his hands in Sanji's jacket, and kissed him fiercely. He didn't even wait for a physical consent before thrusting his tongue into the cook's mouth, which, he noticed, tasted like how he thought an ashtray might taste. He slid on of his hands through Sanji's hair and cupped the back of his head, keeping it angled at just the right position to shove his tongue as far down the smug, annoying cook's throat as he could get. Maybe if the idiot cook believed that Zoro wasn't lying, they could get the part over with where he was either killed, hated, or thrown off the ship by Luffy.


	3. Chapter 3

He needed the moment to come, either way.

For good or for bad.

The swordsman closed his eyes, not wanting to see the other man's reaction to his action. In the split second before he told himself to let go and release the cook, Zoro felt intense yearning like he hadn't before. It wasn't like wanting to get stronger. It wasn't anything like what he felt on a normal basis, hoping to become the best, wanting to beat Kuina, or Mihawk, which ever way he chose to look at it. For that split second he wanted nothing more or less than that very ashy, spicy, warm wet taste that his tongue was experiencing right now. He wanted to feel that body he was holding onto so tightly at that moment, feel the warmth radiating off the other man, washing over him in waves. He wanted that smell to last forever. Cologne, the smell of the kitchen, the smell of his very skin underneath it all.

These sensations came over him in intense waves, he squeezed his eyes shut tight as he finally forced himself to push Sanji away roughly. His mouth nearly followed Sanji as he was forced in the other direction; instead he forced himself to bend over, feeling as though he was going to expel something from his stomach before this was all over.

He wanted to reconcile how he felt about this other _man_ with what had happened to him so long ago. He didn't want to feel dirty anymore. He just wanted to know that he could get in the damn cook's pants without freaking himself out. He wanted the fucking cook to want him to do the same.

He wanted to go back to a little over a week ago, before the dream, when none of this was a problem. When he was fine with jerking off in the bathroom in the middle of the night while thinking about the blond shit head. Wanted to continue going unnoticed as he watched Sanji move about the ship, getting himself worked up when the cook undid his tie, when his night shirt managed to work it's way up Sanji's lean, muscled belly in his sleep. He wouldn't even mind the raging hard on he suffered from after their fights.

He wondered briefly is Sanji knew about the time he had come in his pants because Sanji had managed to straddle himself across Zoro's hips during one of their harsher arguments. Zoro didn't even remember how they found themselves in that position, but the image of it never, ever left Zoro's mind. He remembered even more vividly how he had _prayed_ to every god who's name he had ever heard uttered that Sanji would think it was a random sword that was digging into his-

* * *

What threw Sanji off guard wasn't the kiss, particularly, if you could call it that. More like Zoro had just tried to suck his face off.

It wasn't the fact that he really, really, _really_ enjoyed the taste that lingered. He was a chef, afterall. He knew how to appreciate different flavors.

It wasn't even that Zoro's smell, the one (because Zoro had varying degrees of scent, depending on time of day, mood, and what he was doing at the time) that was warm, slightly musky, and very _comfortable_ (this was closest to his sleeping scent), had caused Sanji to grow a few inches shorter and slouch into his relaxed position without even thinking about it.

What had surprised Sanji, he supposed, was the intense... _something_ he felt just before Zoro pushed him away. (An abrupt and _rude_ way to end a kiss, if he did say so himself.) He had kissed women that set his lips on fire, made his body tingle, and made him, in general, very happy in his pants. He had kissed plenty women that had made him feel many different things at many different levels. A few guys here and there if he was feeling generous. And if he had to be honest, he definitely could say he might have been expecting this sort of reaction from kissing, say, Nami. And he still didn't know if she was capable of evoking that feeling in him or not, because he hadn't kissed her yet. But to think that the swordsman was capable of it at all was... surprising.

To say the least.

It kind of left him feeling like he had just been _seen_ through. A little vulnerable, perhaps. More than a little weak in the knees. He didn't want to use the words "soul shaking" or "powerful" because he wasn't comfortable with those particular terms. He wasn't comfortable with this particular situation.

A lot of things went through Sanji's mind then.

_This happens at sea sometimes-_

_What if this is another latent reaction-_

_Why would someone who had been through that want a-_

_Is it okay to believe him?_

He didn't say anything. He wasn't capable of communication just then. He watched as Zoro bent over, his eyes still clenched shut, as if he didn't want to see something ugly he knew was about to happen. What concerned Sanji, through the fog of his "afterglow", was Zoro's mental state. Whether he was glad or enraged at what Zoro had just done wasn't his top priority. It was if what Zoro had done was done while sane or in some other strange mental state.

It was then that the two voices battling within Sanji were interrupted by a third voice, coming from somewhere much farther south than his brain and soul (he assumed, because he couldn't really physically locate his soul, after all).

So Sanji stood there obviously conflicted, and Zoro stood hunched over, daring only now to open his eyes slowly.

Zoro was also the first to speak.

"Believe me now, shitty cook?"

Sanji truly pondered this, but his face remained what he hoped was "stony".

"Dunno. How do I know you haven't just gone off the deep end again?"

Zoro's mouth twitched. "Should I elaborate, or would you like me to spell it out for you on paper?"

"Don't think you have the vocabulary or grammar skills for either, marimo."

The swordsman seemed to recover somewhat. He straightened himself back up and crossed his arms again. "Don't know what you want. I told you why, now you know."

Sanji frowned. "I told you that you had to convince me."

Zoro scowled. "I _didn't_?"

"How am I supposed to judge your mental state right now?" The blonde man argued as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "For god's sake you fucking ape, you just told me two days ago that you were... you were..." Sanji couldn't bring himself to say it. "...And now you're shoving your tongue down my throat, trying to pass off your attitude towards Nami as what, jealousy?! You really are cracked, you idiot seaweed head!"

Zoro stiffened. "Yeah, I was raped. Doesn't mean I'm a lunatic. Though I might be if I, ugh..." The green haired man trailed off lamely. His gaze returned to the wooden paneling on the floor of the galley.

Sanji nervously searched for a cigarette, and wasn't happy to discover the barely there tremble in his hands. He lit the end and inhaled deeply.

"Are you really fucking serious? You're not lying or being weird?" Sanji asked with suspicion.

The dead pan look on Zoro's face would have been funny.

"No, asshole. Doesn't matter anyway. If _you_ weren't lying, it won't change a damn thing. Or is it gonna bother the shit out of you? S'not like I'd force myself on you-"

"Shut up, idiot. I'm just trying to make sure you're ok- you won't go postal on us again." Sanji looked at the floor this time. "Why though?"

Zoro looked at the floor again too. It was a mighty interestin' floor (I assume).

"Why what."

"I mean..." Sanji sighed. It was killing him to know why Zoro preferred men. Was it because he was raped? Did he know before? Was it something he decided after? "Why are you okay with... guys? I don't think I'd be okay with guys if that happened to me. Or did you know before then..."

Zoro snorted. "I didn't know _anything_ until two years ago, when I woke up one morning and the Libido Fairy had come in the night. And I don't know why. It's just what I want. Women are okay I guess. Never enjoyed it much though."

Zoro's gaze drifted carefully to Sanji's face to see where the other man was looking. Apparently Sanji'd had the same idea so they caught each other trying to peek at one another, and hurriedly returned their gazes to that amazing wooden floor.

Sanji coughed and absently rubbed at his throat.

"If things are gonna change, let's just get this over with now." Zoro said suddenly. Sanji looked up.

"Wha-?"

"If you're gonna give me weird looks or somethin', avoid me or act weird or whatever, one of us isn't gonna leave this room tonight. Cuz I'm not leaving but I ain't gonna put up with that bullshit either."

Sanji listened incredulously. ""I love you Sanji", then you try to perform a face transplant with your _mouth_, now you're threatening to kill me?"

"I never said I love-"

"Yes you did-"

"I did not, shitty cook!"

"Did too, marimo-fuck-head!"

"Shut up!"

"Don't threaten me!"

"I didn't threaten you, I was just saying-"

"Well I'm not gonna act different! I don't care! Just... don't act different and I won't!" Sanji yelled, frustrated.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good."

Zoro grunted.

_That's more like it.  
Mono-syllabic replies.  
Maybe he's sane after all._

* * *

The week following was very strange for Sanji. He did his best to act like nothing had happened, but that turned out to be pretty damn difficult. At any given point in time he was thinking about it.

He was still slightly skeptical that Zoro wasn't nuts. A very small part of him was hoping that he had meant what he said and did.

Check that. A very _large_ part of him hoped Zoro's facilities has been functioning properly that night. The very rational part of himself kept reminding him to feign disinterest for his own sake and Zoro's, incase Zoro had been temporarily off his rocker.

It was frustrating. He was terrified of letting Zoro know that fuck yes he was interested in doing very naughty thing with the swordsman and then finding out that Zoro didn't really want it, but was only mentally unstable. Very, very frustrating. So frustrating that it led the cook the ask for Chopper's advice on the issue.

"Ne, Chopper…"

Chopper looked up from his grinding stone to look at Sanji, who had turned his back on the dishes that were being washed for the third time in a row (just something to keep him distracted, you know.)

"Do you think that baka-marimo is normal again?" He reached for a cigarette. He had been smoking like a chimney lately, mostly going at it when he was thinking about what happened, which was all the time.

"Did something happen?" Chopper said, eyes wide.

"Maa… sort of. The night we left we talked some more, and he said something. But I don't know if I can believe him or not, cuz' you know… he might not have been… completely with it."

Chopper nodded and rubbed his chin with his hoof. "Did he say something that sounded strange for him to be saying?"

"Mm." Sanji nodded.

"Have you asked him about it since then?"

"No. I don't know. You know how when people are drunk, they want to do stupid things? Things they might not normally do, like jump off bridges or swim or I dunno… something that might hurt them? I don't know if that's how it was with Zoro or not."

The reindeer nodded, knowingly. Abruptly he went back to grinding. "You should ask him again. If you don't feel comfortable with now, wait some more. When you feel like he's back to normal you should ask him."

Waiting. More waiting. More time to think. More time to get himself all hot and bothered and _frustrated_.

* * *

Zoro's sleep had been undisturbed for the most part. But normally he was a vivid dreamer. He dreamed about the ocean, about swords, about Mihawk, about the Going Merry, once he dreamt about a goat named Cecilia who granted magical wishes to any green haired swordsman. But he hadn't dreamt at all since they left Atad. He felt fine. Rested. Emotionally he seemed okay. He was weary of Sanji at first. But Sanji seemed to be acting fine. It was all very anti climactic, but he was grateful for that in some ways. Sanji hadn't completely rejected him and obviously still thought of him as nakama.

But he had obviously not returned Zoro's interest. But he wasn't trying to deal with that particular rejection at the moment. He was focusing on training and restoring balance to his energy.

But his lack of dreams disturbed him. His fear of Chopper's needle was overruled by the fear that there still might be something wrong with him. Sanji had said he wasn't going to take any more chances with Zoro, and Zoro wasn't willing to take any more chances with himself.

Zoro stopped outside the kitchen door just in time to hear Sanji mention his name. Well, it wasn't actually his _name_, but it was as close as Sanji got on most days.

"Do you think that baka-marimo is normal again?"

"Did something happen?"

"Maa… sort of. The night we left we talked some more, and he said something. But I don't know if I can believe him or not, cuz' you know… he might not have been… completely with it."

"Did he say something that sounded strange for him to be saying?"

Zoro's heart pounded. Was the chef going to tell Chopper what he said?

"Mm."

"Have you asked him about it since then?"

"No. I don't know. You know how when people are drunk, they want to do stupid things? Things they might not normally do, like jump off bridges or swim or I dunno… something that might hurt them? I don't know if that's how it was with Zoro or not."

"You should ask him again. If you don't feel comfortable with now, wait some more. When you feel like he's back to normal you should ask him."

So that's how it was. Sanji still hadn't believed him. But Zoro supposed that if he had been in that position, thinking _rationally_, as love cook obviously had been, he might have felt the same way. And what was he doing right now? Questioning _himself_ on whether or not he was okay yet. Of course the shitty cook shouldn't have believed him, even if Zoro knew that he meant was he said and did.

Zoro waited for Sanji to leave with a tray full of drinks for the girls when he went in to talk to Chopper.

"Zoro! How are you feeling today?" Chopper said, all smiles.

"Good. I guess."

Chopper's smiled turned into a frown. "What is it?"

Zoro shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door as precaution. If someone was going to interrupt them, he'd know it.

"It's not… physical. I just… I always dream. Sometimes they're nightmares, sometimes they're just crazy dreams. Everyone does that, right?"

"Yes…" Chopper said slowly.

"I stopped dreaming. When we left Atad, I stopped dreaming."

"All week? No dreams? No nightmares?"

"None."

Chopper "hmm"-ed. "It might just be your subconscious expressing exhaustion. It takes a lot of brain energy to dream (I would like to insert a good joke here, but I'm not going to – love, author) and since you've been so mentally taxed lately, it could just be your head taking a break."

Zoro mulled it over. That might be the case, but it was unsettling. He felt as though all the events of the day, week, even month before were sorted out in his dreams. It was good to wake up after a dream. It wasn't _bad_, the feeling he got after not dreaming, it just wasn't normal. Like he needed to dream be really okay the next day. But he wasn't getting it.

"What if I don't feel right about it?" The swordsman said.

"Do you feel okay otherwise?"

Zoro nodded.

"What's still going on with you and Sanji?"

Zoro looked up, eyes wide. "What?"

"This has something to do with him, ne Zoro?" The poor reindeer looked rather nervous upon broaching the topic. He wrung his hooves together and gave a nervous smile.

Zoro frowned. It probably did have something to do with the stupid love-cook, but he couldn't fix that situation. He didn't want the same thing from Zoro that Zoro wanted from him, and he was gonna have to get over it.

"Maybe you should try talking to him again."

It seemed Chopper's universal remedy to all ailments mental was talking. Zoro hated talking. He'd done too much of it in the past two weeks in his opinion. He wasn't expressive by nature, and just the fact that he may or may not have uttered the words "I love you" to a certain idiot ero-cook made him slightly ill, even if it was true.

He sighed and made to open the door just as Sanji was re-entering. It made for an awkward side to side shuffle where they both moved to get out of the other's way but ended up moving in the same direction, thus remaining in each other's way. This happened at least three times before they both got frustrated and just stood still, waiting for one to make the move. Zoro growled and grabbed Sanji by the shoulders, turning them in a half circle so Zoro was in the doorway and Sanji was in the kitchen. He released the other man and stepped back.

"Talk to you later Chopper. Thanks for the dance, aho-cook." Zoro said before disappearing. Sanji's mouth fell opened and closed, but no sound came out. He heard Chopper's giggles from behind before kicked the door shut with a slam and stomping over to the sink to re-wash the dishes. Again.

* * *

Sanji waited another week. He and Zoro were back to their normal selves, arguing, fighting, cursing, etc with or at each other. Sanji was tempted to just forget the whole thing. Bringing it up might screw things up again, or cause Zoro to go back to that unstable place he had been two weeks ago. He knew he was being selfish, but he felt things were unfinished as they were.

That, and Zoro's sleeping lately wasn't the same. Normally he'd snore, or drool, or even talk or yell in his sleep. A few very frustrating times he'd heard Zoro moan in his sleep, obviously enjoying some imaginary activity very much. But recently he'd been dead silent. The only thing that assured Sanji that the other man was still alive was the rise and fall of his chest, which wasn't as deep as it had been before. And his smell was different too. When he was sleeping, at least. It was stale. He'd wanted say something about it, but again, he didn't want to cause the return of Zoro's beserker side.

He had been trying to think of ways to bring it up very casually, in light conversation. But when did he and Zoro have light conversation? When did they _talk_ when they weren't cussing at each other?

It was midnight and he mulled things over in the crows nest, watching idly as his cigarette smoke made weird shapes in the air. He heard a door shut quietly as someone attempted to tip toe across the deck.

Probably Luffy trying to get into his stores. He looked down, prepared to throw his coffee mug at the rubber boy's head, but instead he saw a barefoot Zoro climbing the mast.

Immediately his heart started pumping.

"What are you doing up? Your watch isn't for another two hours, idiot marimo!" His verbal and mental attempts to shoo the man away obviously weren't working, as evidenced by Zoro climbing into the nest next to him. Sanji moved to where he wasn't touching Zoro. But he could still smell him. And it was still the stale smell.

"Oi." The swordsman said, looking at the half raised mug in the chef's hand. "Gonna deck me with that thing or what?"

Sanji hadn't realized he had yet to put the mug down, and blushed, setting it down.

"Afraid of me?"

Sanji's normal reaction to a statement like that would be to kick the swordsman into the ocean, but he didn't like the way the green haired man said it. He could hear the disgust Zoro's voice. Disgust with himself.

"You still caught up about that? I told you, you can kick my ass as much as you want. Not that you can even do that very well. It's the girls I care about."

Zoro laughed, the smile not reaching his eyes at all.

"Are you crazy tonight or something? What's wrong with you?" Sanji said, starting to get anxious.

"Not crazy. Just gotta clear something up."

"Clear what up?"

"I wasn't okay that night. What I said. I wouldn't have said it. I was pretty fucked up."

"Ah." Was all Sanji could say. Compared to the plethora of things he felt at that moment, mainly disappointment and embarrassment, "Ah" seemed a little short.

"But now I'm okay. At least… I'm getting there. I still can't sleep right."

Oh yeah, Sanji was going to ask about that.

"Yeah, what's with that? You don't smell the same-" Sanji stopped too late, the words had slipped out. He slapped his hand over his mouth, and then wanted to kick himself for doing that. It made it obvious he had just expelled something he didn't want Zoro to know, which would make Zoro focus more on what he said.

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Come again, cook?"

"Nothing." Sanji blurted, removing his hand and looking away. "Anyway, you don't sleep loudly anymore. It's great for me, you being so quiet. I get a lot more sleep." It was a very blatant lie. "You don't snore or drool or talk in your sleep."

"And apparently I don't _smell_ the same." He said, eyebrow still raised, looking critically at the cook.

"I didn't mean to say that."

"Freudian slip, I suppose?"

"Ooh, big word asshole."

Zoro grinned. "As I was saying-"

"You mean you weren't done? Wow, I'm surprised you know that many words." Sanji sniped, hoping to distract Zoro from the embarrassing slip.

"Will you shut it for a sec?" Zoro snapped. "Shit. Nevermind." He made to get up but Sanji stopped him.

"What, idiot? It obviously took you a long time to memorize what you were gonna say, I'd hate for your effort to go to waste." He said, leaning back arrogantly.

"Che. I wouldn't waste it on you anyway." He turned around, but Sanji kicked the back of his knee so that he tumbled over.

"Oi! What the fuck-"

Still sitting down, Sanji used one foot to pin Zoro's chest against the wall of the crow's nest.

"Don't just come up here to bother me, shit head. You obviously had a reason, now spill. Thought you woulda learned what happens when you keep shit bottled up, dumb fuck."

Zoro could only glare for his part. He had come here with a slight upper hand, but now he was somewhat at Sanji's mercy, at least where his pride was concerned. He was going to re-divulge his confession, just so the shitty cook would know that he made it under his right mind, but now he was being forced to admit it. He sighed, not liking the idea, but thinking that maybe if he did this, and the idiot _believed_ him, he could dream again. He thought at that moment of the dream he'd had on Atad, in the field of yellow grass.

"I was crazy that night. But I'm not crazy now. I meant what I said. I just wouldn't have said it had I not been fucked up. I'm just tellin' ya now so you don't think I go confessing shit like that when things get weird."

Sanji blinked and slowly drew his foot back.

He blinked again.

"What?"

Zoro growled. "Do I gotta spell it out for you _both_ times? You didn't seem deaf the first time! I-" Zoro cut himself off. "Love" was not a word he wanted to repeat to this man.

Yet.

Somewhere, someday he might. But at this particular moment, it wasn't something he could handle saying again. He wanted to convey just how much he wanted to fuck the cook into the mast right now, but he thought Sanji's head might fall off if he said anything along a line so base. What was he supposed to say?

"Why?" Sanji said. Of all the things he could have said, he had to say that. Zoro snorted.

"Doesn't matter. I didn't tell you again hoping you'd change your mind. I just need to sleep right and you-"

"Answer my damn question asshole!" Sanji shouted, pinning Zoro with his foot again.

Zoro was shocked slightly speechless before gathering his senses enough to become indignant. "No! It was bad enough telling you to begin with, why the fuck would I tell you why?!"

Sanji lunged foreword, straddling Zoro's lap and grabbing his white t-shirt with both hands, balling them into fists. "Because if I'm going to kiss your stupid mouth right now, if after that you're going to fuck me into the mast, and if after that we're going to continue doing like activities for as long as we can stand each other, I wanna know why!!" Sanji's eyes bored into Zoro's, who's were wide as saucers, then suddenly smoldering.

"Because, dumb shit, your drive me crazy. Every time we fight I wanna fuck. Every time you undo your tie I wanna fuck, and every time your put those lips around a fucking cigarette instead of my dick I wanna fuck. Clear?" Zoro said, grabbing said tie and pulling Sanji closer to his face. Their lips were barely rubbing against each other. Zoro's scent, his real scent, the one Sanji smelled when they fought, rolled over Sanji in waves.

Zoro made to crush his lips against Sanji but felt a hand push against him.

"Don't." Sanji said, panting.

"What?" Zoro snapped.

"You can't do that. We need-"

"What?"

"Don't fucking kiss me! I won't be able to stop and neither will you and goddamn it you're not going to fuck me without lube!" He said, trying to look pissed but blushing madly instead, looking mussed and so much the aroused sex kitten.

"You're the one that said-"

"I know idiot, let go!" Zoro reluctantly released his hold on the cook's tie and watched as Sanji jumped from the crow's nest and landed soundlessly on the desk. He ran to the kitchen door and disappeared inside.

* * *

_What if he's just running away-_

_What the fuck should I do?_

_He tasted really fucking good-_

_How the fuck does an ashtray taste good-_

_Stupid cook-_

_What kind of lube does he hide in the kitchen anyway?_

Zoro looked at the very prominent arousal in his pants. He looked at the kitchen door. He mourned.

* * *

Sanji flung open the kitchen door and rushed over to his cabinets.

What the fuck was he going to use? Cooking oil? Butter? Gross. He didn't actually have _actual-should-be-used-for-hot-manxman-pirate-sex_ lube. Damn it! The olive oil would have to suffice. He reached for it then paused.

_What the hell am I doing!?_

_I'm about to have great sex with someone I've wanted to nail me for a long time now._

_Nailed? Who says that anymore?!_

Brushing anymore rational thoughts aside, Sanji decided to kick his shoes off now, not wanting them in the way of their limited space in the crow's nest. He spared a glance at the blanket and pillow that he kept in the kitchen for late nights, but then immediately thought of how stupid it would look climbing back up the crows nest carrying it.

He rushed back outside and climbed the mast before he could stop himself. Upon reaching the top Zoro grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him in roughly, then pinned the chef to the ground and immediately covered Sanji's mouth with his own. Sanji let himself be handled, putting the bottle of oil down on the other side of the nest before he dropped it.

Zoro's hands suddenly got very busy, intermittently running themselves over Sanji's body-anything he could reach- and undoing buttons-any he could find. Sanji was overwhelmed by the swordsman's attack on his mouth. Zoro completely dominated him with his tongue, making sweeping searches of Sanji's warm, wet depths, leaving him only able to barely breathe and whimper. The swordsman tasted so damn good. He tasted like he smelled. When Zoro pulled back he instinctively tightened his grip on the other man's arms, only to find that Zoro had redirected his attention to Sanji's jaw and lower lip, nibbling and biting.

"Damn cook…" Zoro said, his voice thick and low. Sanji's head was spinning, but the back of his mind kept telling to do something instead of just lying there. He remembered having intentions of blowing Zoro's mind, but he wasn't going to do it by just lying there and taking it.

That, and Zoro kept getting distracted with groping Sanji's ass to finish unbuttoning his damn shirt. At this rate Zoro would probably fuck him with his pants still on.

Oh, but… oh. Oh.

"Ungh!" Zoro had moved his ministrations from Sanji's jaw to his collarbone, his happy spot. At the same time he had taken to thrusting against Sanji's hips with his own, creating a delicious friction that shot lightning through his veins.

"Yessss…." He heard Zoro hiss. "I wanna hear you…"

That alone made Sanji spill another moan from his kiss swollen lips.

_Uh, hello?_

_Sanji?_

_This is your manly pride speaking._

_Gonna… I dunno… do? Something? Maybe?_

With a small cry of frustration, because really, he could have laid there and let Zoro ravish him all night, he pushed Zoro away and scrambled to his knees.

"What-"

"Shut up." Sanji said, his voice breathy and lust filled.

Zoro shut up.

Quickly, never taking his eyes off Zoro's, he undid his shirt buttons and slid his shirt off. He reached for his tie, but Zoro stopped him by getting there first.

"Let me…" He pulled Sanji closer to him, claiming his lips in a slow, thorough kiss and slowly undid the tie. The swordsman tossed it next to the shirt then went to work on Sanji's belt. Sanji pulled away in protest.

"Uh uh. You're not gonna fuck me with your clothes on. I wanna _see_ you Zoro." Sanji said, his cheeks flaming brilliantly at his last words, even in the dark.

Zoro grinned. "Whatever you want, _Sanji_." With a calculated slowness, Zoro pulled his shirt up over his scarred but chiseled abdomen and up over his head, tossing it away. He moved to untie his cloth belt, letting his trousers fall to his knees.

No underwear.

Sanji had never blushed so much during sex. Then again, this was only his third time with another man, and his first time with a man he wanted so much and knew to this extent.

And Zoro was… just as he expected him to be. Well, he was very long, but not intolerably thick (though still satisfactorily so, he noted). And he was very, very hard. Sanji didn't know whether to be scared or flattered, but since neither idea seemed like a good one, he just silently watched as Zoro slipped his pants off the rest of the way. He silently thanked himself for having enough sense to find some lube.

Zoro's clothes cast aside, Zoro turned his hungry gaze on the chef, who looked somewhat… well Zoro couldn't place the look. He looked… nervous. Zoro grinned.

"Happy, cook?" That forced Sanji to stop looking at the other man's cock and instead at Zoro's face, who had a smug look plastered all over it. Sanji "ch"-ed and quickly disposed of his belt and unbuttoned his trousers.

"We'll see who's happy." He threw back, removing his own pants. Sanji wasn't as big as Zoro, but he was definitely larger than normal. Besides, it isn't how big you are, it how you use it.

If it was possible, the look on Zoro's face only got hungrier. Almost wolfish. He licked his lips and pushed Sanji back so he would land on his rear, back against the wall of the crow's nest. He quickly dove his head down to meet Sanji's dripping erection, enveloping it in one gulp, coming back up to swirl his tongue around the head. Sanji stifled a cry, putting his hand over his mouth again. Yes, it was the middle of the night, and yes, it was another three or so hours until someone that wasn't Sanji or Zoro was due to be out on deck, but someone still might hear them, come out for a bathroom trip, or a late night snack. But it was also the first time someone had gone down on him like they were starving for it. Zoro was unrelenting, stroking the base of his erection with his calloused hand, sucking hard on his shaft each time he took in more and more. Sanji panted, trying not to come right there, but Zoro had him seeing fireworks.

Zoro, for his part, was enjoying hearing Sanji's stifled moans and quick breathing. He was engulfed by the taste and smell of the other man, and it was driving him crazy. He knew that if he started pleasuring himself he'd come right there, cutting the evening rather short. He distracted his hands by groping Sanji's ass, picking the other man's hips up and using them to pump Sanji's length in and out of his mouth as far as he could handle.

Sanji was slumped somewhat uncomfortable against the wall; his legs sprawled ungracefully in the air as Zoro sucked him off. Sanji couldn't get any leverage on anything, and his chin was digging into his chest so he couldn't tell Zoro to stop or he was going to come. So when he couldn't take the hot, warm cavern sucking on his ragingly hard cock all he could do was yelp and wrap his legs around Zoro's neck, forcing Zoro to deep throat him as he came hard into the swordsman's mouth.

Zoro nearly gagged, but he forced his throat to relax and take Sanji all the way in. His mouth and throat were filled with hot cum and he swallowed around Sanji's cock, not wanting to waste any of it. He felt Sanji shiver at the action, and continued to tongue the cook's over sensitive manhood until he began whimpering. He released it with a sigh and licked his chops, satisfied. He placed Sanji's ass on his hips and pulled the other man into his embrace. Sanji moaned and languidly pulled himself against Zoro, wrapping his legs around the swordsman's waist. The other man's skin felt so good on him. Zoro pulled him into a kiss, and Sanji was enthralled that he could still taste himself in Zoro's mouth. It was bitter. He wanted to know if Zoro's tasted the same.

Zoro continued caressing and molding Sanji's ass.

"You like that do you?" Sanji muttered, his lips brushing against Zoro's as he spoke. Zoro grinned.

"Yeah, I do. I stare at it all the fucking time. It looks as good as it feels."

"Pervert."

"Look who's talking."

Sanji captured Zoro's lower lip in his mouth, sucking on it. Zoro closed his eyes and moaned.

_My turn._ Sanji grinned. He made a hot, wet trail down the swordsman's neck to his collarbone, from his collarbone to the tip of his scar. Sanji had a morbid fascination with Zoro's scar. He kissed the tip of it and began licking and kissing and trail downwards, occasionally biting into random pieces of skin, all the while making hungry noises.

Zoro's breath hitched when Sanji reached his scar, and his grip on Sanji's shoulders tightened almost painfully when Sanji bit down for the first time. Sanji would have stopped if it hadn't been accompanied by a very loud, pleased groan. The cook reached down taking Zoro's impressive erection in his grip and stroking _very_ slowly. More groans and pleased sounds from the swordsman, and soon Sanji was just above a patch of curly green hair. Smiling, he inhaled, content that Zoro's smell had finally returned to him. He felt his limp member twitch back to life.

It wasn't fair. Zoro had gone fast. But Sanji was going so _slow_ it was driving Zoro insane. Suddenly Sanji took the very tip of Zoro's weeping erection between his lips, and his hands shot up suddenly, rolling two pink, pert nipples causing Zoro gasp and swallow a cry. He bit his lip and growled. Sanji continued torturing Zoro in this manner, lightly bathing his erection with his tongue and playing with his nipples until Zoro grabbed the back of Sanji's neck and brought him up to face him.

"I get your point, you shit tease. If I get blue balls your ass is going to be sore for two weeks." He growled.

Sanji grinned. "Promise?" He closed the distance in the raunchiest kiss he thought he was capable of giving. Zoro emitted something between a groan and a whimper, grabbing at Sanji's ass and pulled the other man tightly against him.

"Wait-"

"Fuck you."

"Yes, mmph fuck me uungh. But oh oh oh wait!" Sanji shoved Zoro away and frantically reached for the bottle of oil. He stood saying, "Sit on your knees." Zoro got a good idea of what Sanji was doing. Sanji turned away so his rear was eye level with Zoro. He made to lower himself again, but Zoro stopped him. There was a very, very bad grin on his face.

"What?" Sanji said, feeling too vulnerable in this position.

"Spread your legs."

"What? No-"

"Do you trust me?"

Sanji was quiet.

"Just say so if you don't-"

"I do but… I mean… You… want to?"

"Che, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to, idiot!"

"Shut up! I just…"

"You don't have to." Zoro's voice was calm and soothing, suddenly. Sanji found that he was trembling at the prospect of what Zoro had in mind. He had always wanted to try it, but it wasn't something any of his other partners had been interested in.

Slowly he spread his legs. Zoro slid his hands up to the cook's creamy white thighs. "Are you sure?"

Sanji bit his lip and nodded. The butterflies in his stomach were uncontrollable, and he was achingly hard again.

Zoro rubbed his thighs reassuringly, and reaching around with one hand to stroke Sanji's renewed erection. Sanji moaned, hands gripping the mast tightly. Zoro's hand moved from his erection to his ball sac, gentle massaging and playing with them. Sanji's stomach hitched and he remembered that he needed to breathe. He whimpered into his forearm. Zoro's hand retreated and joined his other massaging and molding Sanji's pert ass. Zoro kissed one creamy globe then the other before sliding his tongue over the top of Sanji's cleft. As he made his way down with his tongue he spread Sanji's ass with his hands, giving him better access to his goal.

Sanji was nearly hiccupping now, gasping for breath as tears formed in his eyes.

_Oh god oh god oh god oh god-_

_Unngh oh god so hot mmm oh oh shit oh god oh fuck yes-_

He was glad he couldn't speak at the moment. He wasn't sure he could handle Zoro hearing that.

Zoro moaned, listening to Sanji's whimpers and hitched breaths. He leaned back, admiring the view, the tight rosy entrance he was about to violate.

"Sanji…" He whispered before biting hard down on Sanji's left check, then bathing Sanji's orifice with his tongue. The blonde man cried out, first at the sudden bite and then at Zoro's prodding tongue. The swordsman moaned loudly, Sanji thought his knees were going to give out. Without warning, Zoro's tongue gave a hard thrust and entered him. He spread Sanji as far as he could and forced his tongue in as deep as he could go. Sanji sobbed and clawed at the mast, tears falling down his flaming red cheeks.

"Z-zoro! Ungh! Please!"

Zoro rubbed his thigh in a placating manner and thrust his tongue in harder and faster. Sanji cried out again, pushing his rear back in return to Zoro's thrust. Zoro's tongue bathed the walls of Sanji's entrance, not long enough to reach his prostate, but enough to cause amazing sensation. He cupped Sanji's balls again, feeling them tighten and relax. The chef's cock was dripping with pre-cum.

Satisfied, Zoro retreated, trailing wet kisses all over Sanji's ass.

Sanji whined in disappointment, but took the moment to compose himself, if that was possible. He hiccupped and sniffed, wiping away the moisture on his face. Zoro gently pulled him down into his lap, rubbing the other man's belly now.

"Are you okay?" He murmured in Sanji's ear.

Sanji nodded.

"Sure?"

"Yes asshole!" Sanji snapped.

Zoro chuckled.

"Shut up!"

"You liked it."

"Shut the fuck up! Are you going to fuck me or what?" Sanji said impatiently. He was still hard and only a moment ago had been on the brink of orgasm, only to be brutally yanked back.

Which was nothing compared to how Zoro felt, who hadn't come yet at all.

"Oh yes. I plan to." Zoro snatched the oil and hastily undid the lid with one hand, then poured a liberal amount into his palm, sitting Sanji on his knees so he could coat his very neglected and flaming arousal with it. He groaned and bit into Sanji's shoulder at the sensation. It wasn't going to take much to get him off, it seemed. Satisfied that he was properly lubed, he coated two fingers with the stuff and spread his knees, causing Sanji to spread his in turned.

Zoro stopped to enjoy the view. Sanji leaning naked against the mast, his ass displayed for Zoro, tear streaked and fully aroused. Zoro moaned before placed the two fingers at Sanji's entrance.

"Ready?"

"Yes!" Sanji said, impatiently. Zoro grinned and pushed both fingers in, a little rougher than necessary. Sanji gasped and let out a strangled cry. Zoro used his other hand to still Sanji's hip. He let Sanji get used to the feeling before he started moving them in and out. The site was so erotic he could barely stand it. He could feel Sanji's muscles clenching around his fingers. Oh god he wanted to bury his cock inside of him.

When he was sure Sanji could handle two, he added another, this time reaching for that spot inside of him. Sanji's fit hit the mast and his right leg kicked out behind him. Zoro stopped his exploration.

"Sanji-"

"Oh fuck do it again I swear to god if you don't do it again I'll- OH YES fuck _that_ **more** Zoro! More again YES-"

Sanji had enough sense to cover his mouth at that point but didn't cease the loud moans that rumbled from him. He actually turned around and gave Zoro a "wtf?!" look when Zoro removed his fingers, but realized Zoro was about to replace them with something bigger and better.

Zoro placed his throbbing cock at Sanji's entrance and took a deep breath. There was a sizeable difference between three fingers and Zoro's cock, but he planned to go slow. _Planned_.

Sanji took a deep breath as Zoro's cock invaded him. It hurt. The tongue had stung a little, the fingers had hurt a little too, but this _hurt_, His erection was wilting as he ground his teeth and closed his eyes.

"Relax. You're too tight." Zoro said, his voice strained.

"Easy for you to say-"

"Push out. Just listen to me. Push out and try to relax." Zoro uttered.

Sanji tried to calm down and did as he was told. He felt Zoro slide in a bit easier, and it didn't hurt so badly. It still hurt, but it didn't feel like he was being ripped apart either.

Zoro buried himself to the hilt then stopped. Sanji was so damn _tight_. Excellent for him, but it was probably, no pun intended, a pain in the ass for Sanji. He had to be careful and pay attention to Sanji's reactions, or this could turn out to be a very bad experience.

Sanji focused on breathing, and the fullness he felt instead of the pain. He felt Zoro breathing against him, the warm breath washing over his shoulder. Zoro's hands were twitching slightly as they rested against Sanji's hips. His right thumb was rubbing soothing circles on his hip bone. He felt his shoulder and back muscles relax. The tension melted away from his body as he calmed down. Zoro moved one hand to trail lazily down Sanji's stomach and kissed his shoulder.

"Don't you dare ask me if I'm okay." He warned. Or he tried to, but it came out as more of a sigh.

"Mkay." Zoro said into his shoulder. He sighed and Sanji felt the movement through his entire body and shivered.

"Mmm." He wanted to move. He wanted to feel Zoro moving inside of him. He lifted his hips up slightly and felt Zoro's cock leaving him, and immediately sat back down, feeling the cock fill him up again. It was such a strange feeling. He wanted more of it. Now.

"Zoro-"

"You don't have to tell me twice." The swordsman said, his voice husky. He lifted Sanji's hips with his hands and brought him back down, starting with a slow pace. Sanji's head fell forward and he moaned loudly. Soon Sanji was controlling the movement as he impaled himself up and down Zoro's long cock

Zoro couldn't take it anymore. Seeing that Sanji was ready, he sat up off his haunches and pushed Sanji forward, causing him to hug the mast. He dug his fingers into the other man's hips and slammed into him with a satisfied moan. Sanji cried out as Zoro repeated the process, the sound of moans and flesh slapping together filled the otherwise quiet night air. Then Zoro managed to hit that spot inside the cook and Sanji was suddenly meeting Zoro's intense thrusts, his muscles clamping down on the swordsman's cock. Both men were moaning each other's names, Zoro gripped every part of Sanji he could, Sanji pulling on his own cock as Zoro slammed into him over and over again.

Zoro joined Sanji's hand in yanking on the chef's cock. Zoro bit again into Sanji's shoulder and the sensation went straight to Sanji's groin. He yelled Zoro's name and came hard, spilling his cum onto the mast all over his and Zoro's hand. Every muscle in his body tightened.

Zoro felt Sanji's walls clamp down impossibly tight on him and he gripped Sanji's hip to slam into him as hard as he could, once, twice, three times and he came deep inside the other man, moaning and repeating Sanji's name.

The collapsed against each other, falling over to the floor, still connected. Sanji couldn't breathe at the moment, and Zoro swore he went blind for a moment. Neither could move.

It was Robin who'd had enough sense _not_ to wake Sanji, but Zoro instead by gently rubbing his forearm. The swordsman came to and looked up to see Robin poking her head above the crow's nest.

"Ah, Swordsman-san. I believe it's my watch now. You should know that Nami has gotten up and is working in her room. Everyone else is asleep. I'll be waiting in my room until you two have gone to bed." With that she retreated with a smile.

Zoro had only registered half of what she said, but he disattached himself from Sanji and grabbed for his clothes. Sanji had not woken up in the jostling, so he tried poking him awake.

That didn't work, so he decided (in his very groggy state, I might remind you) that kissing the other man awake was a good idea.

And it was. Sanji opened his eyes and smiled. Then his eyes went wide. He sat up suddenly, pushing a grumpy Zoro out of the way.

"What time is it!?"

"Shhhhhh. S'almost time for Robin to start her shift. Got 10 minutes."

Sanji sighed in relief. He grabbed for his clothes and started dressing himself. He settled for an undone tie, unbuttoned shirt and no jacket, with button pants and he thought he might have accidentally thrown his belt overboard. As a result, his pants hung low on his hips, revealing a delicious looking hip bone.

Zoro pinned Sanji to the mast and kissed him thoroughly, bodies pressed tightly together. Sanji moaned and ran his hands through Zoro's short hair.

"Gonna leave the ladies alone now?" Sanji said, smirking. "Still jealous?"

Zoro grinned. "I dunno. Gonna start bringing me fruity drinks and cake all day?"

Sanji punched him playfully in the gut. "Gonna give me head whenever I ask for it?"

"Che…" Zoro snorted. "I suppose I'd like that better than fruity drinks and cake, ero-cook."

"You would marimo head."

Another kiss and they made their way down the mast.

They had to sleep in seperate hammocks, still not sure of how things were going to work out. But Sanji could smell from across the room the next morning that Zoro had dreamt while he slept. He was drooling too, and snoring loudly.

"Baka."

In his dreams, Zoro dreamt of a field of yellow grass where he was sleeping next to Sanji.

**Owari.**


End file.
